what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
