You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
