Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
