I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
