im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
