Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
