I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
