All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
