I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm like, not good at living.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
