I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
