What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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