Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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