A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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