My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
