Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
