So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
