I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
