I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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