There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
