he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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