Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
