His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
