We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
