I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
