she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
