I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
