And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
