So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
