That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
