so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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