I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize