Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize