ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
