hotel room ftw
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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