JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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