I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
