Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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