so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
