No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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