I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
