We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
