Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
