Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
