the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
