Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
