I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
