You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
