For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
