Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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