I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
