FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
