people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
