I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
