you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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