Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
