ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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