I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
where am i from again
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
