The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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