She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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