his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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