All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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