No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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