you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
