you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
